Packing and all kinds of other things are of course important to get done, but because this is such a big adventure and such a different culture I thought I should prepare a bit mentally, too. This post is a little a collection of my inital thoughts, worries and fears, and I’m curious to see whether they come true or not (and if they do, in what form).
The first thing that comes to my mind is saying goodbye to people. No, first I have to tell them that I’m going to Korea and then make them realize that it’s a temporary goodbye. It is kind of unnerving to say it and wait for the reaction. I never know what to expect but somehow reactions are still the same (except a few exceptional people): why there, why so far, why why why. As I complained somewhere, I wouldn’t get any “why?” if I was going to England and not Korea and that’s fine. I just grew tired of explaining the obvious: Korea is a country like any other, people can study there like anywhere else, and besides I get a super awesome scholarship so hey why not go.
But back to goodbyes. I have already realized in Finland that the hardest thing in living abroad is not being together with my family. I didn’t really miss anything except them (and friends, of course, but you make friends abroad but can’t get another mother, right? right.) I’m glad we got to spend a few weeks together in England – I also got to know more about what their life’s going to be like there, and we had a lot of fun! Still, goodbyes. We visited our grandparents, too – grandma was very straightforward; she said I shouldn’t go. Helena said the same before, and I know what they feel, I’ve been on that side, too. Still, I can’t change my mind. Saying goodbye is probably harder for those being left behind than for those who leave. I know how you all feel, and I’m sorry. I love you all the same though, I hope you won’t forget that.
After saying all the goodbyes (still dreading the airport but I told myself it’s okay to cry there), there’s a quite long flight ahead of me. It’s not the flight from Budapest to Prague but from Prague to Incheon that worries me a little bit. It’s about 10 hours and I should really sleep the whole time not to get a terrible jet lag afterwards. (Actually I never had jet lag before, I’m wondering if it really affects people that much.) Recently flights made me kind of sick; because of the air conditioning + pressure I got sinus headaches, which are… not fun. I’ll be really careful this time, better not start my adventure with a terrible cold. I will also try to move around the plane a lot (sleeping and moving around a lot at the same time will be quite interesting…). It turned out that 3 of the 5 Hungarians with this scholarship are going with this plane, so we won’t be alone at least. There’ll also be people joining us in Prague, so fun! (I mean, sleep.)
Now what worries me next is when I arrive at the airport and take my first breath outside. Based on what Helena wrote on her blog the air is really humid, like really. Really. This is something I can’t really prepare myself for, but I guess the next few weeks I’ll be sweating a lot. Then the weather will start to cool hopefully…
(There should be a paragraph here about the actual weather, but I’ll write about that when I get there. You’ll see why.)
Now when it comes to actually being and living in Korea, language will definitely be an issue. Because we’ll use English in the first days, and I’m not conviced of the high level of English of either the organizers or the other scholarship students, or Korean people in general. I’m not trying to pick on anyone, but I know that acceptable English is not great English. I also know that most of the scholarship students had to write their motivation letter & curriculum vitae in English, so I guess their English is okay. But when I was in Finland, I realized that okay English is far from really good English. Or maybe my standards are high. (says an English Studies graduate. ugh.)
Of course sooner or later we’ll meet the Korean language as well… I’m kind of worried about that. I understand a lot but can speak very limited things. If we have to write a test to determine our levels, I might do quite well, but otherwise I feel like I need to start from the beginning. I think I always feel a little inadequate… maybe I expect too much from myself.
Talking about people, I’m really curious but also quite worried about the people I’ll have the language course with / I’ll live together with. Partly because we are all from different cultures, and partly because many of them might not have tried living abroad or away from their families. How will we get used to each other? How will we manage to come over cultural issues? I’m sure we’ll be fine but I can’t help to worry. I am for one experienced in these things, but I know many others are not. Maybe I’ll teach them? I mean help them?
And no matter how good friends we become with these students, I know there’ll come a time when I get lonely and start missing my family. There’s not much to do about that, but we promised each other to skype often and I’ll try my best to answer messages/e-mails on time. Loneliness can’t really be avoided, but I think it’ll be good to talk about it with the other students, because last year I thought I was the only one feeling lonely and it turned out that almost everyone felt the same way… gotta do something about it!
There is something about Korea and Korean people that I want to mention. The reason why it will be very different from Finland is because in Finland I could pass for a Finnish person. When walking on the street, I didn’t look any different from Finnish people, and if I did I still looked European and European is almost like family. I was a white person in a white country, so there were no problems. Also, Finland is getting better and better with multicultural issues, immigrants, etc. so racial discrimination is fought hard against. In comparison, this time I’ll forever be a white person in an Asian country. Expats have mentioned that it’s really hard to live in a country if you’re always reminded that you’rea foreigner and that you’ll never ever be able to not be one. I don’t mean I would want to assimilate so much, but it probably hurts to be reminded all the time that I can’t be part of it simply because I was born at a different place with a different body. And it especially hurts if you try your best to be humble and understand their culture. I’ll come back to this topic when I’ll have first-hand experience, for now it’s just what I’ve heard and worried about. No offence is intended towards Korean people, it’s just how it is. Asians or African/African-American people here have the same experience and we’re just as quilty(?) as any other country.
In general, the first month tends to be crazy. Awkward. Stressed. Worried. Confused. Lost. Tired. Overwhelmed. But also very exciting. Wonderful. Adventures. Discoveries. Little moments of success. Growing up. Learning learning learning. Joy.
We’ll see, we’ll see.